Further, what makes a “real” man, and how does he create a life worth living? Considering today’s changing attitudes towards manhood, does anyone know? Did anyone really ever, or have men just acted as they were taught?

Old macho characteristics are frowned upon; new ones portray a feminized "male." Nowhere, are men told the truth that a mature man…a real man…is a powerful, loving, feeling being. Men are continuously bombarded with conflicting illusions of manhood - most illustrate disconnection from feelings. This conflict leaves men confused, often without a clue to what makes a "man."

Interested in being a man in a way that honors all of you, including your feelings? Tired of stuffing those feelings down, because you've been taught they're shameful? Do you sometimes feeling hollow or empty and at the same time like a pressure cooker ready to explode? Men-The Gods of Love redefines the masculine and shows you the way to freedom and fulfillment.

Are you frustrated, dissatisfied, resentful of men and their inability to be intimate other than with their penises? Why are these such common complaints among women and why have they been unsuccessful in correcting this? The answer is, this is how men have been trained by our patriarchal belief system. I promise you will find within the pages of Men-The Gods of Love a new understanding of men that will go a long way to creating a much needed change that honors the true masculine energy, not its replacement - machismo.

Men-The Gods of Love©, courageously resolves the conflict between the current stereotypes and men’s heritage to be "The Gods of Love."  This is Manhood’s Journey to Love that all men must undertake to feel fulfilled. Men must be allowed permission to connect with their hearts to feel fulfilled. Early on, feelings are discouraged as being shameful. This training begins with, "big boys don't cry." Men then unsuccessfully seek fulfillment for their inner emptiness, externally, by accumulating and sex. A fifty percent divorce rate indicates this belief system’s failure.

Within the pages of this book are easy-to-understand guidelines, which illustrates men's inherent and necessary birthright - to feel. It simply frees men from the chains that bind them and allows them to be powerful, loving men.

"Boys will be boys," is an all-encompassing rationale for male behavior. What does that mean? How do boys learn to be "boys," who teaches them? What riddles must they figure out on their own?

Boys are influenced from an early age to act and think in ways often contrary to their true nature. This leaves them mired in conflict and uncertainty almost from birth. During early childhood, boys become aware of sexual difference, and simple questions arise like: "I’ve got a penis - now what?" Then, there develops deeper questioning about the nature of life and being a "man." Boys resolve these questions by imitating others and by training. For example, the role of hero, protector, and provider is a given. It is the model for being a man accepted for eons. It is so ingrained into society that one might consider it genetic. These roles create conflict within men, not to mention between them and women, leaving so many living unfulfilled lives - seemingly without options.

Ways we learn about being male growing up are derived from observing and interacting with our fathers, friends, heroes, and peers that we imitate. But where did these important sources get their knowledge from; who taught them? It came from their ancestors, of course. Our basic beliefs are based upon what others have been taught and passed down, generation after generation. The human race has mostly imitated history, not learned from it. There has got to be another way!

There is - it is through questioning who we are and the correctness of what we were taught that we can evolve our beliefs. This requires the courage to question the way things are.

Women think men should act more like them: being in touch with feelings, embracing intuition, showing sensitivity, and expressing compassion. Certainly, men could benefit by adding these attributes, but naturally women portray them as women would, not as men should. Men are not women and should not act like women. Doing so results in men being feminized, emasculated. Yet, men can be compassionate and have feelings and express them in a masculine manner. So how can they add these qualities without being feminized? It is through the masculine expression of these inner qualities. I call this inner feeling nature the "inner feminine." These elements are already inside men; they are just presently disallowed and lay dormant. This throws off the proper balance in men and wreaks havoc not only on them but on everyone around.

Men must be strong, directive, unflinching beings who can handle anything and must know the answers to all questions. Admitting they don’t know is shaming. Ask for directions, no way! The role model for this resembles super heroes depicted in comic books, super-male, the man of “emotionless” steel. Ever try to warm up to steel?

Men are, however, allowed two emotions that aren’t considered wrong. The first is anger, no surprise here. The second is sex. Yes, sex, which for a man is a surrogate or substitute emotion...

Sex, the surrogate emotion replaces a whole array of things like intimacy, communication, sensitivity, need for touch, approval, and love, which men are not allowed to need. In fact, needing anything other than sex, power, and money, or what it can buy, is usually at least suspect and ridiculed, if not prohibited. Men are chastised for showing any signs of sensitivity or feelings. They are told these human needs cause harm and pain or show weakness and inferiority. This is to be avoided at all cost!

These types of limiting beliefs have been taught to men by the patriarchal belief system, which has possessed the consciousness of society for a very long time. This is why sex is so important to men; it is ALL of men’s needs rolled into one, or at least so they believe. Is there any wonder why men will lie or pay money to get sex? To men, it is their lifeblood and the only source men are allowed! Women are allowed feelings and can seek their lifeblood from many sources.

LINK: Why do men lie? The #1 reason - sex, their lifeblood.

Men face the challenge of an initiation into an undefined masculinity. Unfortunately, men have been given a false model of patriarchal machismo to follow. This only prevents men from reaching their true, magnificent, powerfully loving selves and makes their relationships with the feminine all the more difficult.

Women want men to be more like them, to have emotions and be sensitive to them. All the while men should continue fulfilling their “strong protective” role in the outer world, for them. This is being between a “rock and a hard place” for men, the proverbial Catch 22 - “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” And it keeps men trapped in confusion on how to please their women, as a man.

Men will go out and have a beer or sex or do something to distract themselves from these intolerable emotions and their ensuing shame cycles. From men’s patriarchal viewpoint, women seem to be ego-centric and controlled by their “irrational” feelings, so why would men want to be like that? Besides, what if men had feelings and cried! Remember - Big Boys don’t cry! We have a dilemma here that creates feelings of uncertainty. Uncertainty is not allowed, as men have been taught they must know what they are doing, or they’re weak and not real men. Can you hear the crack of the whip of shame?

Now, if men’s feelings, which come from their feminine side are undesirable and can’t be trusted - then what about women themselves??? Women are the embodiment of emotions, which men are taught is what is wrong with and can’t be trusted in themselves to begin with. Therefore, logic dictates that women can’t be trusted because they are weak and irrationally controlled by emotions. “Houston, we have a problem!” - No wonder relationships are in such styleturmoil.

Excerpt from Men-The Gods of Love, Chapter 11: Love

When your love flows, you feel the love in you as it passes through you. Then the inner emptiness is filled, the aching erased.

This is the secret of life. Only love is real; the rest is illusion, and love is the only thing that can fill us. This is why, when we fall in love, we feel it so strongly. Yet, we mistakenly place responsibility for this feeling of our love on to others. They are just the catalysts, the ones that call forth our expressions of love. Then we try to hold it, control it, and it loses its luster. Often, this is how relationships die. The vital flowing life force of love was mistakenly restricted, withered, and died. Love is derived from our divine essence: the Self that is directly connected to love’s source. It only stops when we try to contain it.

Therefore, to feel filled with love, we can keep searching for catalyst after catalyst or we can bring it forth from within through the act of giving it out to others.

LINK: More on masculine imprisonment and its effects on women.

When people try to fill their emptiness they’re generally not successful, because they are looking at the surface, rather than reaching what’s far below.

To feel fulfilled, one must know what fuel is needed to fill the emptiness.

It is as though you were trying to fill the tank of your gasoline vehicle with diesel fuel. Emptiness does not come from a lack of power, money, sex, job advancement, and the like. Though these conditions may exist, they are just conditions. It is an inner emptiness objectified, projected into an outer object or developed into an outer need. Let’s look at men and sex for a moment. All men really want is love! It is not really permissible for men to need love, so it is changed into the permitted need of sex. This is the objectification of the need of love onto an outer sexual objectified act.

Excerpt from Men-The Gods of Love, Chapter 7: The Shadow

Now, imagine running out of fuel in your vehicle (vehicle of life), walking to the nearest fueling station, and coming back with a bucket of soapy water and a sponge. You then proceed to wash and shine your vehicle. Upon completion of this cosmetic clean-up, you attempt to start the vehicle, and damn it, it still won’t start. The outside looks good; “what is the matter with this piece of junk?” You did not attend to the inside, the fuel. Some people just remain by the side of the road, empty, and blame the vehicle, or life. Others accept responsibility for running the damn thing out of fuel, get fuel for their empty tanks, and drive on. Sounds incredible doesn’t it? But it is all too real.

Excerpt from Men-The Gods of Love, Chapter 14: The King of Gluttony

When a person believes their worth is directly related to their outer, accomplishments and physical holdings, then those holdings become the possessor of their soul.

If a man’s soul is possessed by something other than himself, he is eviscerated - hollow and soulless.

It is through our souls that we are able to experience love, compassion, and joy, which are the only ways we can ever be fulfilled.

Many people allow their senses to be lulled into a trance-induced illusion called life. They go through life exhausted, unhappy, “another day another dollar,” or “same old same old?” Yes, this is a trance state, or perhaps as mentioned earlier, a self-possession. Our wounds are clear, yet we don’t flinch. We’ve been numbed and cannot feel pain or much of anything else. All too often life wears us down, and we wind up sleepwalking, zombie-like.

Awaken we must! It is our soul’s vital task and God-given duty. And it is through the power of our focused desire and intention that we will awaken. We must be open to, and even ask for help. This flies in the face of the macho principles of man - the knower of all, who never asks for directions. Give it up! Surrender this illusion, it no longer serves you. It is your inherent right to feel.

Do you sometimes feel like you are acting out a part in a meaningless play? Have you had the experience of going through the motions? The autopilot is on, but nobody is at the helm, and the sea is endless? The captains of industry demand production, but we long since have forgotten why. You’ve made material progress. But have you been sidetracked, consumed by the many “doings” in your life? Have these tasks left you feeling tired, empty, and alone? In the equation of your life, have you forgotten you? If this is so, you’re not alone.

Naturally, we work to better ourselves and improve our lives. Yet many feel those nagging feelings of emptiness, uselessness, unworthiness, fear, helplessness, panic, and self-judgment, along with pangs of anger, sadness, and pain. The primary reason is: none of the doings, improvements, or achievements were designed to address, or even considered the needs of our soul. Only outward expressions of “improvement” were considered. This is our collective norm.

Just look at our world as we know it. How many live their lives for outer, physical gratification? Of them, how many are truly fulfilled? “More, More, More” is their battle cry, yet satisfaction eludes them. We blindly continue on this path, predestined for failure. This is guaranteed! Worse yet, most know this instinctively inside; still we hold onto this belief for dear life, seeing no other options, continually chasing this carrot. Now, here is a truly amazing fact: the carrot was offered to us by the patriarchal system, which long ago gave us the stick to hold.

We hold our own sticks that dangle the carrots!

Like a dog chasing its tail, we follow our carrots. We have projected the attainment of manhood onto outer possessions (our carrots). Under this model, our measurement of our worth as men is what we can see and feel with our external senses. Men are taught to imitate behaviors as a measure of who they are, like a military rank. Only through feelings can men experience their qualities and honor them. Without this inner connection, inside we will feel like actors pretending to be men, frauds.

William Shakespeare spoke of this condition in his play Macbeth: “Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury [codependent drama], signifying nothing.”

Listen to the pain, emptiness, and loneliness contained within Shakespeare’s words. When anyone becomes disconnected from their heart, life will eventually reveal itself as empty.

A phase men must face is the midlife adventure. For most it is a crisis; for others, it's a walk in the park; and for a few it is death itself. This is not an exaggeration; some do not make it.

Most men have been taught to believe mainly their outer achievements matter. This perspective says when certain goals have been reached, these momentous occasions equate to being “there.” But what exactly is everyone striving for? What are they trying to reach? These are important questions to ponder. How would you answer them?

Needing to get "there" can be a very frustrating dilemma if one doesn't even know where “there” is. Worse yet, by far, is getting “there,” only to find it is not the panacea - the remedy that heals all pain - we thought it would be. This is ALWAYS the case when we search out this remedy on the outside. Why? Because:

Being “there” is nowhere, but a single landing on a continuing flight of stairs.

It is a plateau reached before the next rock face one needs to climb. Believing that a certain moment of struggle and suffering is one's last - the final ascent to the summit of one's Everest - is an illusion. Simply understanding that there will most certainly be another hill to climb will spare much unnecessary grief, turmoil, and disillusionment. Yet, this illusion is exactly what we are all taught. Naturally, it is a recipe for disaster when confronted with reality.

When it comes to confronting our inner feeling aspect, the sheerest of ascents may likely await men. The peak is now above us, and it is our inner feminine, the inner feeling nature that will guide the climb, or should I say, "prod men to undertake this adventure," of finding their whole selves, which by necessity includes her. You are correct if you're thinking that I am saying, “My inner feeling must lead me to being able to feel.” Sounds like two opposing concepts, a dichotomy, doesn’t it? Don’t worry; it is just another paradox, as both are true at the same time...

Like it or not, self-questioning is a necessary phase in a man's evolution. It foreshadows an upcoming awakening in men…“the midlife crisis.” It is the time when men begin to feel the “urge” or “itch,” wanting something different. They begin to doubt the value of their lives, relationships, careers, where they live, who they are being, etc. As a result, men begin to quest for some unknown and elusive commodity. It possesses an almost magical quality for someone entering this period of their life.

It is also the most misunderstood phase and leaves pain and destruction in its wake. This destruction takes many forms including numerous divorces, career changes, relocations, and new sports cars, to name a few. These are all the signs of men trying to re-experience their lost vitality that once glowed vigorously in their youth. There is a feeling that all is not only not right, there is a part of life they are missing. It happens for most men usually in their forties. When men get this call, it’s imperative that they understand what it is, or they will bring much suffering and loss to themselves and their loved ones.

Western society has taught that all this looking inward, questioning of one's existence and spirituality, is “a creation of the mind” and just a lot of nonsense. It is asserted in the field of psychiatry that the soul is created by the mind or cannot be understood or dealt with. Once again, this is the result of collective patriarchal thinking, and nothing could be further from the truth.

The narrow “scientific” perspectives of “things” needing to be weighable, measurable, or seen with the naked eye else they do not exist is one of our greatest shortcomings. This is the coup undertaken by the egocentric mind in an attempt to convince itself that nothing else exists by wearing blinders. I can’t see it; therefore, it doesn't exist. To say that the soul does not exist based on this thinking is a travesty of logic and reason, which makes our very souls wrong. Additionally, it encourages the belief that there is no other recourse, no other way to deal with difficulties, than to look outward at our surroundings for their causes.

Men blame and judge their wives, careers, friends, neighbors, the type of car they drive, the places they live, the government, religion, the dog…the list goes on as far as one can imagine and even includes, often unconsciously, the blaming of God.

At the same time, men inwardly blame themselves; they feel like they have failed and/or feel ashamed. They just give up. They become but shells of men, with no drive, joy, or vitality. Their vital juices, known in Eastern thought as the Kundalini energy, no longer flow freely. They are usually able to function while hiding their deep depression, having given up on life, themselves, and God. Life is only tolerated. The accessing of their vitality to create anything is difficult; they function robotically. Change becomes the enemy, and the familiar, no matter how empty, is the “safety blanket” to which they cling. This lack of vitality may hinder a man sexually; he may never be in the “mood.” Or a man may become singly focused on work or some project to the exclusion of all else including his wife and family. This is not an unfamiliar scenario is it?

Men must realize that this stage is an amazing facet of the jewel that is our lives. Yet this jewel can be lost due to a simple misunderstanding of its nature as it is often considered something best avoided rather than embraced.

There is no such thing as a “midlife crisis”! This phase in our journey is a SPIRITUAL AWAKENING! It is a wonderful adventure that men must embark on.

A Spiritual Awakening simply means the desire to connect with the inner self. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT IS ON THE OUTSIDE! Projecting our feelings onto external elements actually prevents our finding the solution. Understanding this provides the key.

The cycle of struggling for love and defending against it, which precludes it, is called codependency. A Codependent Personality consists of a dysfunctional relationship with oneself, characterized by living through, or for, another person(s) and includes attempts to control others, blame others, and/or a perceived sense of victimhood. There are attempts to "fix" others, and intense anxiety surrounds intimacy. A perspective exists like, “I have no idea who I am; I need others to tell me this.” Further, the codependent may be asked to open its heart as a mature being. Now, that is an illusion in the mind of another codependent. Many begin relationships with this as a foundation. This dysfunction will often create intense struggles with life, love, jobs, and so on.

Outer struggles in the environment reflect the inner struggles that the codependent is involved in.

At the same time, a codependent will often resist and/or sabotage the very things they covet. This keeps them in the struggle, which really boils down to the struggle to not feel the pain stemming from the struggle to love one’s self. What does this mean?

All addictions are a distraction from feeling something that the addict can’t or won’t deal with. Struggle is an addiction to turmoil/chaos, which keeps the addict distracted from their inner turmoil/chaos.

Man proposes, God disposes, Purpose aligns the two.

Most men spend their days struggling to create something different and/or better, something of their own. Often it is just to provide for their families' survival, just like their Neanderthal ancestors (cavemen). It is a way of behaving that gives men a feeling of purpose, fulfillment, and freedom. But the reason for their actions and struggles has long since been forgotten. These Neanderthal hunter-gatherers, who had always provided out of loving duty, have been rejected as irrelevant and, even worse, considered to be repulsive. Sometimes men are even referred to derogatorily as "Neanderthals." However, these ancient hunters knew why they did what they did.

Modern man has unfortunately lost this knowing, and subsequently he has lost sight of his PURPOSE in life. A man’s actions are no longer clear. Simply put, most men haven't a clue what fulfillment is, nor are they aware it is directly related to a purpose. It has become something nebulous, cloud-like. One knows it’s there, but it seems to be just beyond reach. Of course, this makes its attainment elusive at best. And since purpose is what gives one a sense of value, this, too, remains out of reach.

Most men in their forties can relate to feeling exhausted. There is a never-ending stream of daily battles to vanquish, orders to follow, and work that all too often looks like drudgery. Even the greatest of heroes get tired, worn-out, wanting to find peace. For too many men there is no end in sight given the nature of the world as they perceive it. This is the period where the fuel gauge reads empty; vitality seems to have run out: distractions have lost their magic; and relationships feel draining.

In this stage of life, it is not uncommon to feel like we are operating on automatic. When asking a man in this state why he is doing what he does, he may tell you it is for his family or his business, but deep down he really has no idea. He is just keeping busy. That’s a man’s job - to do, even if it's only taking out the garbage or mowing the lawn. "Ours is not to wonder why, ours is just to do or die."

Men frequently act out roles they've learned, find them unfulfilling, and then, seeing no other possibilities, blame women. To men’s continued disappointment, this results in failed relationships. Why? Because men simply don’t know how to behave in partnerships based on feelings. Instead, they are force-fed and accept the stereotype of the fearless macho protector who distrusts and is disconnected from emotions. These men search in vain for fulfilling romantic relationships. They often substitute sex for intimacy, thinking them synonymous, not realizing sex, an aspect of intimacy, requires vulnerability. "Good God, not that!"

Men-The Gods of Love©, explains simply these deep-rooted conflicts with easy-to-understand guidelines and answers. The reader becomes aware of and dismantles masculine illusions; then redefines the masculine role model. Here men are allowed to express masculine strength and feel their emotions, so they can feel fulfilled, not just accumulate. This is no simple feat for a gender that has been reared to disconnect from their feelings and believe that "big boys don’t cry."

The book was written for all men and women who seek something more fulfilling like: insight, connection, and intimacy. Women gain a new understanding of those misunderstood "Neanderthals" (cavemen). Why men do what they do will no longer remain a mystery, and the knowledge women will gain lessens any distrust and fear of men they may have, while nurturing a new possibility of intimate partnership.