Midlife - So Now What?
Excerpt from Men-The Gods of Love, Chapter 19: The Midlife Adventure
A phase men must face is the midlife adventure. For most it is a crisis; for others, it’s a walk in the park; and for a few it is death itself. This is not an exaggeration; some do not make it.
Most men have been taught to believe mainly their outer achievements matter. This perspective says when certain goals have been reached, these momentous occasions equate to being “there.” But what exactly is everyone striving for? What are they trying to reach? These are important questions to ponder. How would you answer them?
Needing to get “there” can be a very frustrating dilemma if one doesn’t even know where “there” is. Worse yet, by far, is getting “there,” only to find it is not the panacea - the remedy that heals all pain - we thought it would be. This is ALWAYS the case when we search out this remedy on the outside. Why? Because:
Being “there” is nowhere, but a single landing on a continuing flight of stairs.
It is a plateau reached before the next rock face one needs to climb. Believing that a certain moment of struggle and suffering is one’s last - the final ascent to the summit of one’s Everest - is an illusion. Simply understanding that there will most certainly be another hill to climb will spare much unnecessary grief, turmoil, and disillusionment. Yet, this illusion is exactly what we are all taught. Naturally, it is a recipe for disaster when confronted with reality.
When it comes to confronting our inner feeling aspect, the sheerest of ascents may likely await men. The peak is now above us, and it is our inner feminine, the inner feeling nature that will guide the climb, or should I say, “prod men to undertake this adventure,” of finding their whole selves, which by necessity includes her. You are correct if you’re thinking that I am saying, “My inner feeling must lead me to being able to feel.” Sounds like two opposing concepts, a dichotomy, doesn’t it? Don’t worry; it is just another paradox, as both are true at the same time…
MIDLIFE
Like it or not, self-questioning is a necessary phase in a man’s evolution. It foreshadows an upcoming awakening in men…“the midlife crisis.” It is the time when men begin to feel the “urge” or “itch,” wanting something different. They begin to doubt the value of their lives, relationships, careers, where they live, who they are being, etc. As a result, men begin to quest for some unknown and elusive commodity. It possesses an almost magical quality for someone entering this period of their life.
It is also the most misunderstood phase and leaves pain and destruction in its wake. This destruction takes many forms including numerous divorces, career changes, relocations, and new sports cars, to name a few. These are all the signs of men trying to re-experience their lost vitality that once glowed vigorously in their youth. There is a feeling that all is not only not right, there is a part of life they are missing. It happens for most men usually in their forties. When men get this call, it’s imperative that they understand what it is, or they will bring much suffering and loss to themselves and their loved ones.
Western society has taught that all this looking inward, questioning of one’s existence and spirituality, is “a creation of the mind” and just a lot of nonsense. It is asserted in the field of psychiatry that the soul is created by the mind or cannot be understood or dealt with. Once again, this is the result of collective patriarchal thinking, and nothing could be further from the truth.
The narrow “scientific” perspectives of “things” needing to be weighable, measurable, or seen with the naked eye else they do not exist is one of our greatest shortcomings. This is the coup undertaken by the egocentric mind in an attempt to convince itself that nothing else exists by wearing blinders. I can’t see it; therefore, it doesn’t exist. To say that the soul does not exist based on this thinking is a travesty of logic and reason, which makes our very souls wrong. Additionally, it encourages the belief that there is no other recourse, no other way to deal with difficulties, than to look outward at our surroundings for their causes.
Men blame and judge their wives, careers, friends, neighbors, the type of car they drive, the places they live, the government, religion, the dog…the list goes on as far as one can imagine and even includes, often unconsciously, the blaming of God.
At the same time, men inwardly blame themselves; they feel like they have failed and/or feel ashamed. They just give up. They become but shells of men, with no drive, joy, or vitality. Their vital juices, known in Eastern thought as the Kundalini energy, no longer flow freely. They are usually able to function while hiding their deep depression, having given up on life, themselves, and God. Life is only tolerated. The accessing of their vitality to create anything is difficult; they function robotically. Change becomes the enemy, and the familiar, no matter how empty, is the “safety blanket” to which they cling. This lack of vitality may hinder a man sexually; he may never be in the “mood.” Or a man may become singly focused on work or some project to the exclusion of all else including his wife and family. This is not an unfamiliar scenario is it?
Men must realize that this stage is an amazing facet of the jewel that is our lives. Yet this jewel can be lost due to a simple misunderstanding of its nature as it is often considered something best avoided rather than embraced.
There is no such thing as a “midlife crisis”! This phase in our journey is a SPIRITUAL AWAKENING! It is a wonderful adventure that men must embark on.
A Spiritual Awakening simply means the desire to connect with the inner self. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT IS ON THE OUTSIDE! Projecting our feelings onto external elements actually prevents our finding the solution. Understanding this provides the key.
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